“Foot guy” and the “cling-on”

I have two amazingly affectionate boys who are in many ways very different: the little monkey is extremely physically active and daring while Sweet Boy is very relational and witty. But both of my boys love to be in close contact.

When Sweet Boy was little, I teasingly called him the “cling-on.” He was always attached to my leg, sitting on my lap or asking to snuggle. Because his dad and I are divorced and he has gone back and forth between us, I relished the time I had him in my arms.

Now at almost 18, he is more a man than a boy. He is independent and self-confident (and no longer hanging on my leg) but still has a tenderness that I trust will serve him well in his life. And every so often he will treat me to a snuggle, but it is more likely that I am in his arms than the other way around

The little monkey has earned the nickname “foot guy.” At night (we have a family bed) he wiggles around until his feet are in contact with someone, usually his dad. His need for touch and connection in the night is so strong that even if we pile pillows around him, he crawls over them in his sleep! Luckily his dad enjoys the night-time snuggling. We are wondering if all of his athletic abilities cause him to need to use those active legs, even while he snoozes!

By giving my boys the loving contact that they want, I hope that they will stay in touch with their needs as they grow into men. In our culture, it can be difficult for men to feel comfortable sharing their feelings and their needs for connection.

The other day when I told the little monkey that I was going to move over to give him some space to play, he said, “I don’t need space, Mama, I need you.”

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